Tuesday, September 29, 2009

The Day I Sinned in Church

I'm pretty sure I sinned in church on Sunday.  I couldn't help myself.  I had to wear them.  I had no choice really.  They were calling my name, and under the curcumstances, no other option was available. 

I woke up Sunday with my usual I'm-so-fat-and-flabby-and-I-know-I-just-had-a-baby-but-really-I've-got-to-do-something-about-this-blues.  Yes, I know --- I've already bragged about getting into my prepardum jeans.  Yes, BUT THEY ARE MY FAT JEANS!!! and that boost to the ego can only last so long. 

So I think to myself - "What can I do in the next hour that can make me feel better about myself?"  Can I get my hair cut?  Yes, but not this morning (please call me back Rheannon, I need a cut now!!!!).  Can I loose 15 lbs?  Not quite.  Can I actually put on make up and throw in the contacts?  YES.. but is that really enough to do the trick?  No.. What else can I do? 

Then the lightbulb went off.  I swear the room got brighter right over my head.  There had to be one there--right above my head--, because my idea was was simply brilliant!  My metallic bronze B.P. peep-toe high heels!!!!!!  They are simply fabulous!!!!  So I slipped my feet into them and instantly felt 15 lbs lighter.  I think my makeup looked better, my eyes were greener, and I'm pretty certain my hair got 1/4 inch shorter, not to mention silker and shinier.  I AM BACK!!!!!!!!!!  I thought to myself. 

So I strutted into church (pretty slowly, mind you b/c they are 2 1/2 inch heels), carrying my sweet little angel.  I checked my children into their classes and then made my way to the service.  I ran into KQ (our pastor) in the lobby and he simply led me even more into my sinful ways.  "Momma's BACK!!!" he says to me.  Not meaning that I'm back at church.. he's seen me many Sundays now.  No, he meant "Momma's BACK --- Momma's not looking like she just hobbled out of the hospital---- Momma in fact doesn't look like a new Momma anymore... MOMMA's BACK!!!!  He had to have seen my shoes!!!!   I think I got even skinnier at that point.  My hair even bouncier. 

So I sit myself down in service.  It was a great sermon.  I was getting so much out of it.... It was ironic really.  Materialism was the sermon topic.  I was "Amen"ing and nodding with all of the rest of the saints.... then it happened.  I looked down at my foot, swaying back and forth as my left leg is crossed over my right knee.  That's when the sin occured.  I was worshiping all right...  worshiping my shoes!!!!!!!!!  But could any new mother blame me?!???!!  I think not!

Service ended, and I picked up my kids from their classes and strutted out of the church, even more slowly now, because it's been a while since I've worn those suckers! got in the car and went home.  I walked in the door and kicked off my shoes.  I felt kinda like Cinderella when the clock struck midnight.  I got fatter, my hair lost it's bounce, shine and even got longer than it was when I woke up.. and I was Fat-New-Momma again.  Ahh..  at least I had fun at the ball, even if I did sin!!!!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

I have finally arrived - well mostly

The day has come. It's a day that all new mothers anxiously await. No, not that first night of full sleep. Baby's first real smile? Nope. Baby actually learning to keep paci in the mouth? Nope, not even that. I'm talking about zipping and actually comfortably wearing your prepardum jeans!!!

This, for me at least, comes in stages. Call me a maschist, but I'm one of those who tries on the prepardum jeans when baby is a week old. It is, first of all, key to pick the fat prepardum jeans. These are most likely your lightest shade denim. My jean expert friend, Cheri, says that the lighter shade denim stretches more during the day so success is more likely. Do I expect to really wear them that day? Heck no--although how fabulous would that be? No, success at that stage is simply buttoning and zipping at any length. Lengths such as lying completly flat on the bed and sucking in with all one's might. Don't forget the squat and stretch move to create a little more room especially with newly washed jeans. AND NEVER EVER try jeans on in the first week after a shower - even the slightes bit of humidity may hamper the process.

So week one - said jeans were on my body. not perfectly - it was actually slightly obscene, but they were on just the same. SUCCESS! And I have tried them on since that time, each time with more ease. I abandoned the bed technique after finding it no longer necessary a few weeks back. But yesterday the sun rose on me and light beams flooded on my body and my prepardum jeans simply went over my hips and zipped and buttoned with no sucking in. I heard music playing, the birds were singing... I swear my skin was glittering like Edward in the meadow. It was marvelous.

So I wore them with pride. Comfortably, all day.... Now the process begins again with the prepardum skinny jeans. Yes, I am a masochist.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

The Need of a Prayer Closet

I now truly understand why the Bible recommends a prayer closet. I never really understood the point. The idea seemed nice -- pluck yourself out of your daily environment and tuck yourself away in a quiet and secluded place so you can focus on Him. I never really thought that I needed it, though. I'm not your adult case of ADD. I can read a novel while the world is spinning around me. I can generally let life around me fade away as I focus on the task at hand. I do feel like I need a side note here, however. This skill of mine is quite different than the male version. I CHOOSE to block the outside world out while I focus. This is not the geneticly inherent skill that men obtain as the sperm collides with the egg. They have no choice in the matter. Multitasking it not possible for them. Have you ever tried to communicate with them while they are on the phone? You simply are trying to augment the conversation because we all know they are leaving out important details. Then, when you are sure they understand what you'd like them to tell the other party, they say good bye and hang up the phone, walk away as if you'd never said anything, because in their little world this is the case. Any who, all that to say. I can multitask with the best of them, but I can do the opposite quite well when need be.

So back to the point. I never thought I needed a prayer closet, that is until today. I now know that this one recommendation was written I think specifically for mom's of small children. I sat down to read some scripture this morning. As soon as I sat down, Juliette's stomach apparently started growling -- breakfast time! That's OK, I can do this. Nurse and do my devotions. So we get all situated and here I go back into Proverbs again. Then Jax got the signal. Apparently they had conspired while I left them alone when I was making toast in the kitchen. So, Jax began talking and touching and pulling and shoving and I thought I was going to strangle him, but I thought Juliette might cry again if she was detached and I haven't quite mastered the skill of "discipline" and nursing at the same time.

I now understand when Susannah Wesley just pulled the apron up over her head. Just one moment of peace would be great. It's the price we pay for being a mommy. But, then again, I'd pay it again and again. This too shall pass and I know for certain that one day my house will be way too quiet and I'll long for the day when my children and grandchildren invade my space - I will welcome it with open arms!

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Will Juliette survive Jaxon?

Look at the happy family. Juliette was only hours old. She had already had the shock of her life. Poor thing was, like all of us, forced one way or another out of a perflectly cozy, warm, dark and happy existance. She has yet to encounter to the full extent, the real shock of her life -- Jaxon.

Poor thing is now five weeks old and the stories are piling up like the clean laundry at the foot of my bed - and rocking chair - and dresser (really, who has time to fold?) Jaxon is really a precious 2 year old. But poor sweet baby Juliette, she has no understanding of why she gets randomly turned upsidedown in her car seat. Or gets small round objects with interesting flavor shoved in her mouth (they're cheerios, honey) Or gets popsicle sticks stuck down her throat. Jaxon: "say, ahhhh. I'm the doctor, Mommy!" Or gets her face scratched while being scrubbed with a Clorox wet wipe. Or gets carried across the room and dropped in front of the t.v. (perhaps some sort of ritual sacrifice to the Magic Man that puts shows inside the big box?)

I keep reminding myself that little sisters survive all around the world everyday. She too, will navigate through the dangers and surprises that we all enounter with Jax. He is who he is, and we love him for it!!! It may, however, take sweet Juliette longer to arrive to that conclusion.

Back at it again

Here is my attempt once again to blog. At girl's night out last night, we went to see Julie and Julia. Julie worked full time, cooked multiple Julia Child recipes and still managed to blog every morning. Why can't I?

There is one major difference: Julie had no children. Herein lies the crux of my problem. I apparently can't even blog and be pregnant at the same time. My last blog post was literally the week before I found out I was pregnant with our 3rd child. Pregancy apparently henders multi-tasking...

So, why is it that I think that I'm going to be able to keep up a blog now that I have THREE children? (Yes, it's been nearly a year since my last post - I can hear my 5-week old coo in her bassinet at this very moment) I don't know. Perhaps, giving birth depletes the brain cells responsible for logic one at a time. no, not one at a time... thousands, no, millions--all at once.

One thing I am sure of, however. The addition of the third child - our token girl - will definately be fodder for blog material.

So I'm lifting my figurative glass of sparkling cider - yes, Cheri, even in my figurative world I don't like the taste of alcohol - Here's to blogging -- again!