Thursday, October 14, 2010

I'm a Chick Magnet

I'm a chick magnet. Not the kind like Justin Bieber, Rob Pattinson, or Ricky Schroder à la Silver Spoons era.... swoon... No, I mean more like the momma hen and her little chicks following her around, never a moment alone, always a trail of little feet– THAT kind of chick magnet.

I have come to the realization that it will be approximately 5 more years at minimum before I have any privacy again. I remember the days when I could go to the bathroom and did not HAVE to lock the door. I remember watching my own TV whenever I wanted to. And I even remember being able to eat a dessert without sharing.

I realize that having children puts privacy on hiatus. I can deal with that. But what I didn’t realize, however, when I dove into this adventure known as parenthood, was that said children would be drawn to me as if I was one of those super duper magnets that always end up in movies whenever there is a scene in a junk yard. “Hurry Lassie, run tell dad that Sally is in stuck that car being carried by the super duper magnet up there!” The force field is undeniable.

I have now come to accept this reality. It’s just how it is. And now that I’ve been at it for over 7 years now, I know that my magnetism goes into overdrive on specific occasions. It is at these moments that either my electrons shift, or theirs do, and our negative and positive charges attract like my hands on fresh baked chocolate chip cookies after a stressful day. Here’s a brief synopsis of those moments:

1) When I am on an important phone call: it never fails. There will be one screaming for me from the bathroom to wipe their bottom. Another one will insist that this is THE moment to talk about the important issues in life like why is the Wii remote not working or why can’t I use the Sharpie markers on thin paper on top of the dining room table. Sheesh!

2) When I want to sleep in: Any other morning they will sleep later. But not on a day when I get to sleep in. Nope on those days they get up and climb in bed with me. And they will just lay beside me because they don’t really want to play or watch TV and they can’t fix breakfast them selves because of course there will be no cereal or fruit in the house and I will have to get up and actually use a knife or the stove top or the microwave to make breakfast. It seems like the stars always align that way

3) When I have a deadline: It seems like whenever I have a deadline for work, their dependence goes into over drive. My name will be uttered, screamed or sung 7,324 times before lunch. Paleez children! 10 minutes of uninterrupted independence would be fabulous.

4) When I’m trying to cook. Toddlers are notorious for this. This is the time that they always feel the need to be cranky and pull on your legs and lay at your feet… why oh why do they do this to us? It’s a miracle that there have been no limbs lost from falling knives.

So the hiatus continues, my magnet is on and the chicks continue to follow. And until life settles down into the phase of caring for pre adolescents (God help me) I will dream of the day when I can once again pee in peace.