I keep thinking about conversations over the years about
self esteem and how to gain it… It is
not something I have struggled with, for reasons that I can name and not name
at the same time. I am thankful for it,
and strive to develop it in my kids – not self esteem so much really… more self
love than anything. Not that silly, self
serving, self focused esteem taught by the world. No, true self love, the kind that uses the
lenses of Christ. – the way he loves
us. How does someone get there? Especially when the damage of years of self deprecating
criticism has piled on? After years and
years of that kind of damage?
So I’ve thought about these
things and pondered… what is the answer?
I was packing for the beach and thinking about my bathing
suit. It’s getting a little worn out and
isn’t nearly as cute as I’d like it to be.
My cellulite is even more unattractive…
then I thought to myself… “well, I rarely ever notice everyone else’s
issues in this area, so no body is going to notice me… “ Two things strike me here: 1) Some
people DO notice -- and when I mean
notice, I mean beyond just recognizing…. I mean taking note perhaps even to
passing judgment. 2)The same people that do take note are looking at themselves
through the same lenses….
And then I think so
maybe appearance, weight and style aren’t my deal… maybe those aren’t the things I’m taking note
of and draw judgment… Here’s where I’m judging…
kahki pants, sperry’s, BMW’s, big houses… I see those things and think to myself – I really
don’t like that person… and for no other reason than that they have money.. or
want us to think that they do… but what’s the difference, really? It’s not
seeing people through the lenses of Christ…
That’s not REAL love – the kind John is talking about.
So I ponder on these things… and what is the answer? What do we do with it all? Is it just because we are human? Is it just something we cope with? And why and how do these two aspects (our
view of others and our view of ourselves) correlate?
Then today during my quiet time I stumbled upon this:
(Message version)
1
John 3:18-24
The Message (MSG)
When
We Practice Real Love
18-20My dear
children, let's not just talk about love; let's practice real love. This is the
only way we'll know we're living truly, living in God's reality. It's also the
way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to
it. For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we
do ourselves.
21-24And friends,
once that's taken care of and we're no longer accusing or condemning ourselves,
we're bold and free before God! We're able to stretch our hands out and receive
what we asked for because we're doing what he said, doing what pleases him.
Again, this is God's command: to believe in his personally named Son, Jesus
Christ. He told us to love each other, in line with the original command. As we
keep his commands, we live deeply and surely in him, and he lives in us. And
this is how we experience his deep and abiding presence in us: by the Spirit he
gave us.
Read it a couple times through… it takes a bit to sink in. and when it does, you begin to notice a
sequence of cause and effect:
1)
First and foremost practice real love. What is real love? The love of Christ, right? Through his
lenses? He loves the cellulite, the color,
the person. He loves it all. He looks beyond the style of the bathing
suit, the size of the person, the amount of tanning… all of it. He looks beyond the khaki pants and
Sperrys. He sees the person. The person He created in the first place and
loves. How often do we do that really?
2)
Then look what John says next - when we love this way, it gets rid of self
criticism!!!! The answer is to love—REALLY
LOVE—others. When we stop judging others
we stop judging ourselves. Every time we
cast a negative thought about others, we are really doing it to ourselves. So we have been taught in order to be truly
helpful and really functional we have to love ourselves first. And this is true, when we are focused on our
selves, we can’t move beyond our world… but look, we can’t stop self deprecating
until we really and truly love others..
And this is the part I really notice:
“even if there is something to it”
so even if it is true. So he is
saying we can shut down self criticism even when there are things to criticize… So the answer isn’t we can love ourselves
when the problem is solved… when the weight comes off… when we have a cute
bathing suit… nope….
3)
This is where is gets good. When those things are handled, when we can
truly love with a real love and self criticism is handled, THEN “we become bold
and free before God” That’s when we are
able to sit before him transparent and ask.
4)
THEN>>>>>>>> we can receive all he has for us.
So what does this mean if we take what John says
seriously??? We can’t receive from God
everything he has for us until this stuff is solved. We can’t receive everything God has for us
until we Love with the love of Christ and that includes ourselves.
I don’t think I can ever Un-Know this…
